I want to sleep. I should try. I might try. But I know it's no use.
Thoughts of him won't let me be.
Dammit, boy.
Why can't my heart behave?
"They're so cute together."
Well. Yes. They are.
But that doesn't make it easier to see them walking, side-by-side.
He's always smiling at her.
She's always smiling back.
I'm sure they talk about everything.
Not just one, stupid dead language.
He talks to her about lots of other things.
Because he enjoys talking to her.
That's all I ask for.
Not for what they have.
But that maybe he'd enjoy talking to me too.
If only a little bit.
Please?
Such poetic sadness. I should slap myself. That wasn't even meant to be a poem. I just started breaking the lines off. I think it's because I'm used to writing like that now. Arg. The shorter lines don't mean less of the truth, though. I miss him. Right now. I miss his face. Even though I'll see it for another 45 minutes straight tomorrow, and 55 for the two days after that.
It's borderline creepy. Actually. It's probably completely creepy. He doesn't know, of course. But I feel creepy. And utterly powerless. I hate it. It's unfair. Why can't my heart dwell on someone attainable? Someone that I can pursue without the bittersweet taste of regret already filling my senses. It tastes/smells/feels/looks/sounds like cyanide and the sky just before it rains.
It's strangely enticing.
I hate it.
Until next time,
When my heart,
If all goes well,
Will be behaving itself.
-Zanzibar George
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4 comments:
FIRST COMMENT. (now i'm going back to read the entry,)
it was a lovely poem. and i'm sorry that you're in that situation. it sucks.
but.
i DO, however, LOVE, your name, zanzi.
lovenanny
goddammit.
i wanted to be first.
i loved that.
and for a second i was like "WAIT WHAT BOY?"
evidence that i am surely losing my mind.
THE NANNY WINS.
And Sidera.
Since. Hello.
Sidera.
Wins.
Because.
Sidera is awesomeeee.
Anyways. You are going insane. It's kind of hilarious. And also vair sad.
I love you.
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